Rehearsal

I rehearse the separation
not the words,
the feeling
the aftermath

I hold your book in my hands, I open and smell the pages.
What a comfort,
the smell of the paper
Like going back

I can see from the wrinkles at the spine of the book, your pace while reading it. You read the first hundred pages or so in one go, then you took your time, 4 more wrinkles, equal in size. You held this book reading it 6 different times.
How many times have you held me?
I can't tell.
I remember them all.

...

You look at me smiling through that picture at the beach in spring
We've walked all day around the city and we ended up at its edge
You look tired and happy
The sky is not grey, nor is it blue
It's white,
like in children's drawings

Tired and happy like a child after a full play day at the park, we've been playing all around the city that day. We've been playing and fighting and forgetting the arguments like children do all our time together.

....

I hold that shell you brought me from that silly trip to the past of yours. That silly trip that resurfaced all my sleeping demons. You came back and handed me the shell and that was it. The demons slided down its shiny curves and disappeared somewhere deep in their sleep again
And that was it
I knew that with you my demons will be back in their deep sleep for a long,
long time

...

You are all around me, I bite my lips and they remind me of your kisses
my fingers remind me of your body
I can't rehearse it, too many things of yours... of us,
too much of you all inside


I can't rehearse it,
but I can feel it
as if it's now


You are gone,
its a trip this time, you'll be back soon
But the inevitable is not very far, I can reach if I stretch my arms, extend my fingertips with my eyes shut I can feel it

Its coming towards me and I don't want to be on stage without rehearsal
I don't want to be there and be laughed at
I don't want to be there unprepared
I don't want to be there

3 comments:

the BluElephant said...

i like it

:]

luna llena said...

S'efharistw :)

Anonymous said...

my sweet, this is beautifully sad. x