Rehearsal

I rehearse the separation
not the words,

the feeling

the aftermath

I hold your book in my hands, I open and smell the pages.
What a comfort,

the smell of the paper

Like going back

I can see from the wrinkles at the spine of the book, your pace while reading it. You read the first hundred pages or so in one go, then you took your time, 4 more wrinkles, equal in size. You held this book reading it 6 different times.
How many times have you held me?

I can't tell.

I remember them all.

...

You look at me smiling through that picture at the beach in spring
We've walked all day around the city and we ended up at its edge
You look tired and happy
The sky is not grey, nor is it blue
It's white,

like in children's drawings

Tired and happy like a child after a full play day at the park, we've been playing all around the city that day. We've been playing and fighting and forgetting the arguments like children do all our time together.

....

I hold that shell you brought me from that silly trip to the past of yours. That silly trip that resurfaced all my sleeping demons. You came back and handed me the shell and that was it. The demons slided down its shiny curves and disappeared somewhere deep in their sleep again
And that was it
I knew that with you my demons will be back in their deep sleep for a long,

long time

...

You are all around me, I bite my lips and they remind me of your kisses
my fingers remind me of your body
I can't rehearse it, too many things of yours... of us,

too much of you all inside

I can't rehearse it,

but I can feel it

as if it's now

You are gone,
its a trip this time, you'll be back soon
But the inevitable is not very far, I can reach if I stretch my arms, extend my fingertips with my eyes shut I can feel it

Its coming towards me and I don't want to be on stage without rehearsal
I don't want to be there and be laughed at
I don't want to be there unprepared

I don't want to be there

Jarmous

.
.
.
You smelled of cigarettes and coffee this time
like someone out of that Jarmous's movie

Everything in technicolor and you.....

black and white

Resting against the wall with your head hung
you were looking at something on the floor
I thought

You had the road in you

I could tell the first time I laid eyes on you



















There was a half finished bottle of beer on the table
People buzzing in that old bar
there was silence around you
silence enveloped me when I approached you

You lifted your head up for a moment and looked vaguely at me when I drew the chair and sat opposite you

We didn't talk much
we stayed all night in that corner at the old bar

We parted outside and saw you walking down the road as the sun was coming up
You belonged there
on the road

Not this time

I left you there and took the road with me

the coffee and the smoke

like that Jarmous's movie

like Jack

Stalling

.
.
keep on moving

do not run...i'll loose you.....but stop stalling

forget...
never forget

forgetting is dangerous

is it?


forget and you are trapped

what is that?
Did i not tell you to look ahead?

Do not stall

forgetting is stalling